


Queer Voyage; Or, How Captain Jack Sparrow's Preoccupation With Naked Sailors Finally Paid Off

by thingswithwings



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Multi, wedding gift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-02
Updated: 2003-08-02
Packaged: 2017-10-24 01:03:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/257115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingswithwings/pseuds/thingswithwings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>pre-OT3, but perhaps only in my head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Queer Voyage; Or, How Captain Jack Sparrow's Preoccupation With Naked Sailors Finally Paid Off

Even if the first ship was an aberration and the second a coincidence, Elizabeth couldn't see the third for anything but what it was: the flamboyant wedding gift of a rum-soaked, freedom-bound, cackling mad pirate captain.

It began with wigs. Black ones, grey ones, long ones, short ones, ladies' wigs and men's wigs alike, floating on the ocean like an army of partially submerged bobbing aristocrats. William laughed and told his new wife that Norrington needed to improve his stealth tactics. When they passed the thick sea of powdered curls and came upon the wreckage of the ship that had carried them, however, Will's laughter turned to stupefied amazement. Several pieces of driftwood from the merchant ship had been lashed together with what looked like human hair - presumably from the wigs - and atop the makeshift raft there sat a fat pair of sea turtles sunning themselves contentedly.

The merchant sailors they found on a nearby island, naked and penniless. Elizabeth bartered with them, eventually obtaining the promise of the next year's wages in exchange for rescue. As the sailors were forced to barter with a woman while cold and naked, the exorbitant fee agreed upon may have had more to do with Elizabeth's carefully timed eyebrow quirks than with the prospect of waiting for another ship from their fleet on a perfectly inhabitable Caribbean island, but that was, as far as Will was concerned, all to the good.

The second ship had apparently been hauling cages of exotic tropical birds: the first sign that something was amiss was the flock of colour overhead as parrots, birds of paradise, and toucans streaked past on their way home. When Will and Elizabeth came upon the wreckage, they found the ship's other cargo as well: crate upon crate of rum, lashed to the remains of the ship, bobbing along merrily in search of thirsty pirates. And when they checked the nearby islands, they found, sure enough, a blush of naked sailors eager to make the smiling girl with the white umbrella go away.

Will and Elizabeth smiled, and loaded the rum onto the Horizon, and waited for the third ship. When it arrived, it was magnificent.

They saw the first ones go off at a distance - red and green bursts against the dark sea-sky. They heaved a-port and made for the lights. Unlike their predecessors, these merchant sailors were still with their beaten ship, being made to run about the deck setting fire to their cargo - crates of fireworks for one of the colonies. Like their shipwrecked brethren, however, they had been robbed of their personal effects down to the last bandana, which nakedness inspired some rather inventive language as the powder and sparks for the fuses got into interesting places.

And standing nearby, on the prow of the Black Pearl, shouting commands to his naked recruits, was Jack Sparrow himself. As they approached the Pearl in the Horizon, Jack turned from his command, spotted them, and flung out his arms in greeting.

"'Lizabeth! William!" he shouted. They waved back, laughing.

"I trust," came his voice across the water, "that you got my note?"

Above them, the air exploded with colour and fire.


End file.
